Disappointment

How else can I word it? It's no ones fault.

Yesterday, when I was barely able to open my eyes. I was in denial.

Last night when I got a migraine. I was in denial.

AF arrived this morning. I was in denial.

I still have yet to accept she is here, I keep telling myself that there MAY still be a chance. Why? Because I am in denial.

I cried. Yup, I did. I needed to talk to someone about it and since hubbs was at work already and all I could really do was send him a BBM, I told one of the only coworkers that knows we are ttc. And I cried. I needed to.

I've read about it on blogs and baby boards the disappointment and sadness that women have to go through when TTC. I never really understood but now I do. It doesn't matter if you have been trying for 1 year or 1 month, its heartbreaking.

You put in all the babymakin work, then you deal with the dreaded "two week wait" and in between you think certain "twinges" and "pains" are possible signs.

I know I will be fine and move on from feeling the way I do, because we have time on our side and we will try again in a few weeks. But today I am entitled to be this emotional.

And I am entitled to a nice cold beer which I have been depriving myself from since we got back from Florida.

April just wasn't our month. Maybe May will be....